Entry 13

I am quite literally in the trenches.

While on the outside looking in, it looks like I’ve got it together. I have a plethora of events that give me imposter syndrome (what do you mean that NYT best seller asked me to be her conversation partner, she’s way cooler than me!) I have an editor now?! (Kay, you’re actually the reason I believe this series has a chance in the world.) While I’m a creative source who can mold my emotions into words that make sense to my brain, you take my seeds and water them so they can bloom.

And here I am, actually bursting at the seams… time is slipping away from me so quickly that I’m starting to forget what it’s like to lose time in Capsian rather than reality. I’m re-reading what I’ve written in Soul of Solace, and while I love this story so much, I’m still struggling to find the creative source to push me to this finish line.

No worries, I’ll get there. If there is anything I can do, it’s endure the trial to meet a deadline.

But that doesn’t make it any easier. It’s so easy to lose the goal. I took a creative pastime and morphed it into something other people love and anticipate. I added a little extra layer of pressure. It’s fine, that’s how diamonds are made, right?

I’ve been working on managing that pressure, finding the things that inspire me, reminding myself what it is about this story that moved me so deeply. And as I work on book 2, I’m reminded that this story was for me, a reader.

The reader who loves to get lost in realms beyond the stars. The reader who curls up with a blanket, a cup of coffee, and giggles because her enemy just clenched his fist when she got hurt. The reader who found peace between the pages of a dark romance book. The reader who became a writer.

I am quite literally in the trenches, and I love it.